Beauty, Tragedy, and the In-Between

I know that I am. As an empath, I feel an overwhelming urge to help others constantly. I cannot ignore the hurt in other people without feeling it deeply myself. This is something that I love about myself, but also creates stress for me. My huge heart makes me a good friend, lover, daughter, etc… but if my empathy is not kept in check, it often results in emotional burnout.

This year has been especially tough, given the circumstances. My mantra has been, “I want to save the world, but the best I can do right now is save myself.” It is true that change starts within us. When we put in the effort to heal and do the inner work, we show up better for the world around us. We hold more space for the people we love, and become more patient, understanding, and resilient.

In this article I’m going to go over some traits of an empath, and hopefully give you a better understanding of the highly sensitive and empathetic people in your life. Maybe you’ll discover that you’re actually an empath too!

What exactly is an empath?
An empath is considered to be a highly sensitive individual with the ability to take on another person’s thoughts and emotions. Empaths are compassionate, insightful, and emotionally intelligent. They are extremely perceptive of their environment and the energy around them.

Signs you are an empath:

• You take on the emotion of those around you.
  Empath’s have the ability to understand the experience and feelings of others outside of their own perspective. For example, say your friend just lost a loved one. If you are empathetic, you are able to understand the pain that your friend is going through, even if you’ve never experienced a loss of a loved one. If you are an empath, you take things a bit further. You actually sense and feel the emotions as if they are part of your own experience. In other words, their pain becomes your pain. Others’ emotions can flip ours like a switch. We could be having a great day, and then our partner comes home from a tough day at work. Immediately, we feel our emotions shift. The good vibes dissolve. It feels as if their day happened to us. This can make it hard to hold space for the other person, because now we’re trying to manage the same feelings. It can feel impossible to disconnect from someone else’s emotions.

• Compassion can feel like a burden.
  Empaths are often told that they are too emotional, or even overdramatic. But to us, it is odd that others don’t have the same amount of compassion that we hold. At the same time, not being able to shut off our compassion can feel very heavy. We often feel like we are suffering more than those around us. This makes it seem like the world is against us. Feeling our own emotions can be exhausting enough, so picking up on what everyone else is feeling adds to our heavy emotional load. This includes strong emotions of any kind– from deep sadness, to great joy. Empaths are constantly battling emotional confusion and fatigue.

• You find it tough to cope with sensory overload.
  We’ve all experienced this at some point or another. Sensory overload is the overstimulation of one or more of the body’s five senses, which are: touch, sight, hearing, smell, and taste. In these situations, the brain receives more information than it can process properly, and leads to feelings of discomfort. Empaths can become overstimulated due to their extreme sensitivity. The symptoms of sensory overload include: anxiety, irritability, loss of focus, stress, or restlessness. This is especially common in large crowds and loud environments.

• Alone time is absolutely necessary.
  Empaths need time to recharge. It can be hard to explain to others. Non-empaths may not need as much alone time, and can even thrive with constant company. Solitude is necessary in order to decompress and reset. This is the time to sort out our thoughts and separate our internal worlds from the external. It is an empath’s highest form of self care. 

• Change and transitions are difficult.
  This is related to how we process stimulation. We are highly sensitive to change. Empaths can have a hard time going from low-stimulus situations to high-stimulus, and vice versa. We need time to process the transitions and all of the emotions that are associated with it. For example, if you are an empath and are now working from home due to the COVID pandemic, you may find lack of routine extremely hard. Maybe you were used to your morning commute and podcast to prepare you for the day ahead. Or, you could find it hard separating work and home-life without the afternoon commute signaling that your workload is complete.

• You struggle with anxiety or depression.
  Although this is not true for every empath, it is definitely not uncommon for us to struggle with mental health. We are so sensitive to emotions, and may deal with a lot of self-doubt, stress, and anxiety. Receiving anger or disappointment from others can feel like getting hit by a train. Dr. Judith Orloff, author of The Empath’s Survival Guide, writes that empaths can feel the entire spectrum of mental and physical symptoms that come with others’ emotions — including depression, panic attacks, chronic fatigue, and more.

• You feel psychic.
  An empath’s intuition is scary accurate. Empath’s know when someone or something is “off,” when no one else notices. We pick up on small changes in others’ behaviors or mannerisms. We are fluent in body language. We are so observant and perceptive to the energy around us, sometimes we don’t even consciously realize we’re picking up on a change in frequency. Others may be shocked that we trust our gut with such conviction, but we just know things.

• You love nature.
  Empaths are drawn to nature, especially in solitude. We feel re-energized, clear-minded, and calm when surrounded by the great outdoors. 

• Negative people are attracted to you.
  Because we are such great sounding boards for peoples’ problems, we often find ourselves in the middle of the drama. All we can do is listen, and negative people love to unload. They often walk away from the conversation feeling lighter. Meanwhile, we feel heavy from taking on their burdens. Not to mention, narcissists have a very strong attraction to empaths, but that is a topic for another blog post. 

• Saying no can be difficult.
  The word “no” often makes you feel guilty. We don’t like disappointing others. We are considered reliable friends who are willing to do anything to help the ones we care about. We struggle with creating boundaries for that reason. We often sacrifice our time or energy to make others feel good. 

• People turn to you for advice.
  Like previously stated, we are great sounding boards. We have great insight and show endless amounts of support and encouragement. Empaths are good listeners who respond from their heart. People feel seen and understood when talking to us. We have a way of making others feel special.

• You’re a walking lie detector.
  Empaths are not immune to deceit, narcissism, and toxic people. There have been times where someone has successfully deceived me, but only when I chose to go against my gut instinct. Empaths have the ability to process even the tiniest social cues. This means it’s almost impossible for others to hide their true intentions. This goes back to how observant and perceptive we are. If you’re an empath, you probably get instant gut feelings about people that often show to be true. 

• You have a calming and healing energy about you.
  Has someone told you they feel strangely comfortable around you in a short amount of time? Have you been in-line at the grocery store and a stranger just randomly unloads their problems on you? People unwittingly seek out those with an empathetic and kind energy. Empaths make friends and strangers alike feel comfortable.

As an empath, you have to carefully manage your energy and emotions. It is important to practice lots of self care to avoid burnout. Just like our physical body has an immune system, our emotional body does. We can take care of our emotional immune system by practicing mindfulness, creating boundaries, and checking in with ourselves. My upcoming blog posts will include: how to practice self care as an empath, why narcissists are attracted to empaths, and so much more on the subject.

Thanks for reading!

Take Care,

Emily Black.